Who's the boss?
Here's the thing about being a stay-at-home mom: you are your own boss.
Now I know that for most people, this is a good, great, wonderful thing. It's what everyone dreams of--working at home and being your own boss. It's true that setting your own schedule, deciding upon your own daily activities, and not having some other authority calling the shots is great in some ways. But it can also be an invitation to laziness.
I'm a person who loves schedules, routines and deadlines. Having a boss tell me what to do usually didn't bother me too much. Now that I am in charge of my own schedule, I have to reach inside myself and create my own discipline, and make myself lead a useful and productive life whether I want to or not. That isn't always easy.
Because what is it about a rainy Monday morning that makes you just want to roll over and stay in bed as long as possible? When I worked in an office, I couldn't do that unless I sniffed a few times, thought, "Yeah, sure, I kind of have a cold," called my boss, used a real gravely voice, and said I was sick. And when you do that you can't really enjoy your day at home because you're plagued by guilt the whole time, plus you know that one of your precious free days has been used up and then what are you going to do in January when you really do get sick? At least that's how it was for me.
Now, I'm not really accountable to anyone for my daily activities. As long as the kids and I are dressed and there's something warm on the dinner table by 6 p.m., my husband has no idea whether I spent my day actually interacting with our children and running our household in a productive manner, or sitting around in my pajamas reading blogs and eating cookies all day while the kids watch TV.
My husband and I decided together that it was best to have me stay home with our kids, thinking that I could do a better job taking care of them than a day-care center would. While my husband is out taking a full load of engineering classes plus working 30 hours a week, I am privileged to be here with our little girls. I'm not really holding up my end of the bargain if the house is always a mess and the kids are getting no quality time for me because I'm pursuing my own interests, and I rationalize it because being alone with the children all day is just so terribly trying. He's doing his part. It's up to me to do mine. It's that knowledge, chief among many other reasons, that spurs me to do my best job at being a wife and mother even on a rainy Monday morning.
So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a shower and change out of my pajamas now.
Now I know that for most people, this is a good, great, wonderful thing. It's what everyone dreams of--working at home and being your own boss. It's true that setting your own schedule, deciding upon your own daily activities, and not having some other authority calling the shots is great in some ways. But it can also be an invitation to laziness.
I'm a person who loves schedules, routines and deadlines. Having a boss tell me what to do usually didn't bother me too much. Now that I am in charge of my own schedule, I have to reach inside myself and create my own discipline, and make myself lead a useful and productive life whether I want to or not. That isn't always easy.
Because what is it about a rainy Monday morning that makes you just want to roll over and stay in bed as long as possible? When I worked in an office, I couldn't do that unless I sniffed a few times, thought, "Yeah, sure, I kind of have a cold," called my boss, used a real gravely voice, and said I was sick. And when you do that you can't really enjoy your day at home because you're plagued by guilt the whole time, plus you know that one of your precious free days has been used up and then what are you going to do in January when you really do get sick? At least that's how it was for me.
Now, I'm not really accountable to anyone for my daily activities. As long as the kids and I are dressed and there's something warm on the dinner table by 6 p.m., my husband has no idea whether I spent my day actually interacting with our children and running our household in a productive manner, or sitting around in my pajamas reading blogs and eating cookies all day while the kids watch TV.
My husband and I decided together that it was best to have me stay home with our kids, thinking that I could do a better job taking care of them than a day-care center would. While my husband is out taking a full load of engineering classes plus working 30 hours a week, I am privileged to be here with our little girls. I'm not really holding up my end of the bargain if the house is always a mess and the kids are getting no quality time for me because I'm pursuing my own interests, and I rationalize it because being alone with the children all day is just so terribly trying. He's doing his part. It's up to me to do mine. It's that knowledge, chief among many other reasons, that spurs me to do my best job at being a wife and mother even on a rainy Monday morning.
So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a shower and change out of my pajamas now.
4 comments:
It's tough being a work at home mom too - for the same reasons you listed. Organizing time, staying on top of the basics, spending time with the kids.
I started following the Flylady program in January. Helps much, and it is free. Much less guilt than I once had, and better quality of life for the entire family.
http://www.flylady.net/
Sometimes you deserve to sit around in your PJs all day.
I feel guilty for being so busy that I can't give you the time off you need and deserve.
I know just how you feel. It is so hard to give 110% all the time everyday when there's no one to encourage you with, say, a raise.
Hang in there.
I have thought the same thing, that being at home makes me accountable for my day where I could be as lazy or as productive as I choose to be. Unless my kids decide otherwise.
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